


Contract of Platonic Relationship for Sidney Patrick Crosby and Jonathan Bryan Toews

by hapakitsune



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Contracts, Friendship, Gen, idiocy, oatmeal/granola otp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-28
Updated: 2012-12-28
Packaged: 2017-11-22 17:59:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/612627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hapakitsune/pseuds/hapakitsune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being an agreement between one Sidney Patrick Crosby and one Jonathan Bryan Toews regarding the terms of their "friendship."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Contract of Platonic Relationship for Sidney Patrick Crosby and Jonathan Bryan Toews

**Author's Note:**

> wow guys I am genuinely sorry about this. I made a joke about Toews's hug at the Olympics being a violation of their friend contract and then...I don't know, things kind of spiraled. Thanks to the peanut gallery (bessyboo, war_kitten, and madecunningly) for glancing through this. ENJOY I GUESS.

  
**Contract of Platonic Relationship for Sidney Patrick Crosby and Jonathan Bryan Toews**  
Agreed upon February 19, 2010 on the occasion of the Vancouver Olympics, and added to when necessary.

1\. This friendship must not in any way interfere with the playing of hockey during the regular season and/or playoffs. ~~Not that it matters since the Blackhawks are better anyway.~~ **Пингвины лучше**

> a. This includes, but is not limited to: no unnecessary fraternization during warm-ups or games, no discussion of hockey strategies, no asking for advice, and absolutely no sabotage of games for any reason.  
>  b. If either party violates this, the other party may feel free to terminate the relationship with no warning.

2\. This friendship does not mean that we are close friends. Things we may not ask of each other:

> a. rides to and/or from the airport  
>  b. help with moving  
>  c. wingmanning (although this may be volunteered)  
>  d. advice about relationships  
>  ~~e. advice about sex, Sidney~~

3\. Under no circumstances will we ever discuss romantic entanglements with each other.

> a. Even if it's relevant  
>  b. or if it's an emergency  
>  c. or if it's Kane.  
>  d. especially if it's Kane.

4\. Unnecessary physical contact is to be avoided.

> I don't think that a hug after winning the gold medal is 'unnecessary.' – JT  
>  That's your opinion. – SC

5\. Canada is the ~~best.~~ FULL OF BEARS AND SNOW AND BAGGED MILK

> \- and maple syrup, which is obviously superior. And we have Gretzky.  
>  \- "KD" IS NOT A MEAL, YOUR POINTS ARE INVALID  
>  \- Russia best ))))))

6\. Kane is not allowed anywhere near this contract.

> Then neither is Malkin. - JT  
>  Geno is better than Kane. - SC  
>  In what way? - JT  
>  _Every way._ \- SC

6\. (revised) This contract is reserved to the two parties involved and no one else should add to it.

7\. On the occasion that we meet under non-hockey circumstances, we will be just as polite as dictated. Small talk, however, is to be avoided at all costs.

> _Def:_ For the purposes of this contract, small talk will be given to be any topic of conversation that neither party cares to discuss, including family, relationships, the weather, and politics.

8\. Canada is big enough for the both of us.

> a. But I was Olympic MVP  
>  b. And I scored the golden goal.

**Signed:**

  
  

**Sidney Crosby    Jonathan Toews**

**Witnessed:**

  
**Shea Weber**   
~~Guys, this is really stupid.~~   


**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Contract of Platonic Relationship for Sidney Patrick Crosby and Jonathan Bryan Toews [Podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1094149) by [adistantsun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/adistantsun/pseuds/adistantsun)




End file.
